Miserable… at 21

Ok. Calm down. Let’s keep our chill. Whatever that means.

I know that I am too young to feel miserable, but the truth is that sometimes I actually do. Slightly.

Deep sigh.

Geez, I get myself tired sometimes! But stay with me on this one.

Miserable 21 Ana – What can she have to say in her defense due to her state of mind?

Honestly? Nothing. Niente. Nada. Rien.

Feelings are something that I’ve long gone stopped from understanding and explaining. I have the right to feel miserable and sad, and I am free to cry while reading a book, and I can then, right after that, start dancing to Taylor Swift. To Shake it Off, basically.

The truth is that I have given myself the white flag to feel. To be real and honest with myself. Do I feel like crap? Yes. Ok. Good. I have acknowledged that, one point for me. And the most important thing about this is the acceptance of who I am as a human being. We all have feelings and that is ok.

Then, after touching the wound with my finger, it’s time to heal it correctly. With time and patience, knowing that tears sometimes are the best disinfectant of the most awful and painful kind of wounds that leave those deep and meaningful scars that aren’t visible to the eyes of others.

After getting away as much as possible from the dreadful process of making the ugly come out, it’s time to move forward. We learn how to breathe again, we analyze how the process has already changed us since the moment we had our break down, and, most importantly, we decide if we are going to get up and fight or give up.

At this moment, things can change dramatically. Or not. Sorry, I write a lot, so my mind is always in the mode of drawing the most unlike plot twists that will never happen BUT we never know so I keep doing them. You know, just in case.

Moving on.

What I mean, is that it’s ok to feel sad and low, we all go through that, and I have learnt to accept those moments because no matter how many times I push them aside, they will always come back over and over again until I, defeated, crawl while shouting surrender. Typical me.

But! We have to know that no matter how low we go, we have to come back up. We have to keep fighting. We can’t give up.

And this is what I have been doing this year and it’s working pretty well, I must say. Thank God, and the Universe, and the Nature Laws and all its fairies.

Jokes aside.

I am thankful to know that yes, I am feeling miserable right now for a lot of different reasons, but, deep down, I know that I’ll be alright and I’ll be able to get back up, and that will be the end of my miserable state of mind.

It is important not to give up. Accept yourself – learn your weaknesses and your strengths. This is not being selfish, guys. If you’re not happy with whom you are, if you’re not satisfied with your life, you can’t wait for someone to come and love you, expecting them to heal all your wounds. That won’t work. So be that loving figure you so desperately wait for. Well, maybe not desperately, just dreaming. That loving human being that will come out of the blue to hold you and tell you that it’s ok and you can do it? You can, and you must be, that for yourself.

I may be miserable today, but I know I’m doing the very best I can. And that is ok.

With Love,
Ana.