“After yet another sleepless night,
I open the windows to welcome daylight,
Waiting for the sun to erase from my mind
The memories of nightmares in my heart intertwined.
I ask the breeze to ease my heavy eyes
So I could see the colours of the sky
And spot you, by luck, one last time.
For time, mercilessly, flies
And I feel restless without you by my side,
Fearing our time is over as we can’t hide
From the path destiny has given us by design.”
Ana
“You are my forever
Lingering what if,
My question without answer,
My ending without beginning.
You are my forever
Heartfelt goodbye,
My perhaps we could have made it
Fairy tale I keep on retelling.
You are my forever
Dream I keep on dreaming,
My unrequited love,
My burning longing within me.
You are my forever
Secret sealed safely
Within my heart –
You are my forever
Over before the start…”
Ana.
Originally posted: December 2, 2020
“For weeks, I have been trying to find myself
Wandering, yet numb inside my own shell,
Striving to find a way I can get back
The warmth I have lost within my heart.
Secrets kept have been freezing me all this time,
As the memory of you keeps haunting me every night,
Despite my efforts to let you go and erase you from my mind,
I still find you in dreams making me feel this isn’t right.
Why did I have to love you?
I don’t know, but I have been told
One loves without reason –
Perhaps that’s when you know
You do love someone
That the feeling is true
When it lingers inside you,
Creeping in your silence,
Dooming you to a prison
Made of what ifs and fears,
A door to which you’ll never find the key
If you don’t come clean,
If you don’t say you’re guilty
Of loving without warning
The one you miss the most, my darling…”
Ana.
Originally posted: November 29, 2020
“Sometimes I wonder
If you’ll ever be able to forgive me
For choosing myself instead of you
When you didn’t know that’s what I was doing.
Leaving us behind seemed like
Taking the wrong out of the right
And I always wanted to be wise,
But I also wanted to be loved
So I said goodbye because I knew you wouldn’t.
You couldn’t love me.
Not the way I found myself
Loving you after a while
Feelings coming, even to me, as a surprise.
So away I went
And the secret I kept,
Hoping it would die out
With the fire,
In the storm,
In the cold,
Alone…
But after so long,
There’s still a flame
Burning,
Whispering,
Can you love me now?”
Ana.
Originally posted: November 25, 2020
“Have you felt the need to erase
Any promise or dream you hoped to ace
With me standing by your side,
After I disappeared from your life?
I apologise, but, drifting away with the tide,
I found in me a neglected side
Of my heart, that was being left behind,
So I hope you can forgive me, in time.
I was once a name on your calendar,
Now I’m back at being a stranger
Whose heart’s flame still burns your name,
Quietly, in the dead of every night…”
Ana.
Originally posted: September 30, 2020
“The silence screams
Of words I cannot speak,
For fear of shattering too soon
Wishes only heard by the moon.
Skipping heartbeats
Whenever I see you,
Overwhelmed by regrets
Of not giving voice to love just yet.
It’s the longing that lives in-between
The fleeting moments, when we cross paths,
That allows hope to reach places I’ve never been
Holding on to dreams of a happiness blast.
And so, I wait, as I hope and dream,
Recklessly living as an everyday whim,
Confiding in the moon to watch over you
And send over my heart’s silent love too…”
Ana
“I’m a mess you would never understand,
I sleep with angels and with demons I share a dance,
Playing back and forth as dirty as they did me,
Twisting words to get them to rhyme,
A mermaid on the rocks chanting a sweet lullaby.
Intertwined reality with passionate fantasy,
I’m your all and your nothing –
I’ve left you in the cold but you’ll still forgive me
Because it hurts too much when you only get to see
My face wandering in the shadows when I’m not near,
Grasping the meaning of my presence only after I leave.
We hang on to nothing,
Feeling so cold it’s odd it’s still summer,
Icy hearts battle a silence of steal,
Forever knowing we never truly leave
Those to whom we meant something.
Keep my memory close to your heart
So tonight, I can feel your heartbeat in mine,
For if we are connected behind reason and realms,
It would explain the magnetic way I think of you still.”
Ana.
Originally posted: August 26, 2020
“I slip into a dream,
After I lay down,
But it might be quicksand
Taking me to the underground.
Perhaps through it I could vanish,
For once and for all…
How wonderful would it be to no longer be?
Wouldn’t that be better for you and me?
If I disappear
I would not feel,
If I disappear
You would not hear
Me
Anymore…
And maybe then the past
Would hurt us no more…”
Ana.
Originally posted: July 29, 2020
“Memories of us keep coming back –
Maybe I’m not trying that hard
To erase you from my mind
So to ease my lenient heart.
Gone from your life
Now I walk on my own,
So why do I keep holding on
When you are so far gone?
Past stays in the past –
Haven’t I learned this part?
But reckless daydreaming
Is my new way of painfully living.
I need a way out
But it all sounds so promising,
Until reality knocks on my door
Breaking me once more.
I’m not sure my wrecked pieces
Can take to be broken again,
But perhaps the next shedding
Will be its last merciless blow…”
Ana.
Originally posted: July 28, 2020
“I miss you more than I want,
I want you more than I should,
I should forgive and forget
But to forget you is something I can’t do.
I didn’t mean to love for a long time,
But a long time has passed and I haven’t found a way yet
To swallow the pain and face the truth:
All this longing won’t lead me back to you.
To move on sounds wise
But I’ve always been stubborn
To do what I know is right,
So I hopelessly reminisce about our love every night…”
Ana.
Originally posted: January 31, 2020
It Takes Courage... And lots of Chocolate 