The last time

Inspired by my ineptitude with unsaid goodbyes.

“How will I know
When it’s the last time
I’ll get to see your eyes
As they recognize me,
Lightening up the dark?

How will I know
The day we’ll wave goodbye
Will be the last?
Forever is such a long time…
How will I cope as it lasts?

There won’t be any sign,
No neon lights warning
Shouting from the sky, –
I lose my ground even now,
When I know I’ll still see you in town.

But the days slip from me
Like grains of sand I’ll never get to reach,
For I can’t empty every beach
Just to stop time from taking you away from me…”

Ana

Memory box

“We sit around a memory box,
Sharing photographs and old notes,
Basking in nostalgy like it’s all we’ve got,
Trying to retrieve the happiness we once sought.

Memory is forever a tricky thing,
Tickling our senses with its whims
Of how the past was better than we think
Forgetting the bad, hiding it under its wing.

But my days with you are, by far, the best,
So we pinpoint days in our calendars to achieve the very best –
The best moments, the best laughs, the best day out of all,
A ready, set, go at the distance of a call.

So here’s to the memories
We have yet to make,
Ready to fill our memory box to the brim
With the many moments happiness to us will bring…”

Ana

Under the shadow of the oldest tree

“Under the shadow of the oldest tree,
I keep your heart with me,
Easing its pain with the breeze,
Telling it stories of the stream.

My tales are old too,
Losing a little more of their spark
Whenever I tell them to
Our empty hearts, in the dark…

I revive the fire, I strive for the light,
But the pieces I kept of your heart
Have long ago been losing sight
Of meeting you one last time.

Don’t leave me hanging, under the oldest tree,
If you’re never coming back, let me know,
So I can make peace and ask the breeze
To take the pieces of your heart with it…”

Ana

Time (III)

“I don’t know if I’m running out of time
Standing here, heartbeat racing,
Or if I’m running faster than time
Going nowhere but always rushing.

The fog haunts my days as I can’t erase
The fact that I’m not moving
And stillness isn’t amusing
Whilst through my fingers time keeps slipping.

I had made a promise that I would fight this feeling –
No longer letting the sand in the hourglass intimidate me,
Putting an end to the judgmental thoughts I keep on pouring
So not to become the enemy in the mirror staring back at me…”

Ana.

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Previously, on the quest of carving time on a blank page: Time | Time (II)

Originally posted: October 29, 2019

Past

“To look back will get you sick,
Stomach ache, dizzy head;
You will lose the balance
You thought you never had.

Holding on to something
That keeps you looking over your shoulder
Will make you lose your focus,
For the world is surely spinning
But time doesn’t stop, clocks keep ticking.

And you might be on the edge of a cliff,
Or perhaps simply losing a train or missing a turn,
You might even give it a shrug, no problem at all
For you try not to make mundane struggles a big deal, after all.

But what about unique opportunities
Running past the busy you
Who keeps locking eyes
On the past golden days
Longing for the past
Without realizing how gloomy and fast
The present is slipping away?”

Ana.

Originally posted: January 14, 2019

In time, with time, through time

“In time, the path will clear
And I’ll meet some clarity;
My heartbeat will ease
And I will find serendipity.

With time, it will be alright
Basking quietly in the sunlight,
Blooming slowly through Spring
Ready for whatever life will bring.

Through time, I have learned
To be patient, to keep my head high,
To believe that when my heart falters,
I will always find my way out of the water.

For, in time,
With time,
Throught time,
I know –
I will be alright…”

Ana

A letter I will never send

“Sunday morning, I sit down to write,
With a cup of tea at hand,
Hoping my words, to you, won’t make me cry,
For it’s still raining and I’m still falling
Down and down, the same rabbit hole
With your name on it.

I look over the letter I wrote, late last night,
A letter I will never send for it will never be quite right,
As my words free themselves in labyrinthic whims,
So intertwined with the vines, I lose myself in it,
Feeling my reason stubbornly staying put,
For it knows, even when awake, I digress in dreams too.

It’s the longing that pulls me through,
The wondering of what will happen the next time
We cross paths in the maze of life, locking eyes,
Faking steady heartbeats, swearing it’s alright,
If I only get to see you smile one last time.

Can you call me out on my bluff?
Can you tell, for me, it will never be enough
To rewind glimpses of you when I sit down to write,
On a rainy Sunday morning without your hand to hold?
Alas, yet again, my tea has gone cold…”

Ana

I won’t stare at the clock

“I won’t stare at the clock,
Its hands won’t stop,
I will follow down the road
Or make a path of my own
Toward the unknown,
Pretending that I do know
It will lead me home,
Until, one day, I own
Answers to the questions
That now keep me awake
Knowing that, by then,
I will have new questions
Ruminating in my head,
Always doubting the path ahead.

But I won’t stare at the clock,
Neither its hands nor I will stop.”

Ana

Where did the time go

“Where did the time go?
Nights no longer roll into days,
I fell asleep but I’m again awake,
Why does it feel like I’m always late?

Life feels like a spinning wheel,
I’m the puppet and the puppeteer
Pulling strings and being pulled,
The fight of the strongest push and pull.

I may be overzealous,
If there’s a secret, I beg, please, tell us,
For walking on eggshells still breaks
The silence after my heart’s wake.

I feel anxious and then numb,
Looking for luck in every crumb,
Trying to find the secret of time
So to feel like myself one more time.

But where do I turn to? Where should I go?
I keep on falling down the rabbit hole,
No one to hold me, no one for me to hold,
I am all alone… Oh Life, where did the time go?”

Ana

Wasting time

“Perhaps I waste too much time
Holding on to what I can’t get past,
Searching ways to understand the unknown,
Trying to fix what I can’t control.

My heart has always been heavy,
Fighting avidly to survive
Whilst enduring the pain
It still hasn’t learned how to ignore at 25.

Worrying has been killing me
Slowly and all at once,
For I have forgotten how to breathe
When I am alone…”

Ana.

Originally posted: August 19, 2018