This love

“I tried to love you with all I have
But you made it clear
There was nothing I could give you,
As your heart shouted for a kind of love
That made mine far from being enough,
Forcing me back to the shadows
I have always lived in alone.
I took the time to think and look into it,
Observing this love I have been nourishing
Trying to understand if it was its quirkiness
That has made you leave me
So easily that I’m still at awe
Left behind on my own
Trying to fix the hole of self-doubt
Your indifference towards this love has grown.”

Ana.

Originally posted: April 6, 2018

His ocean eyes

“Minute by minute
On a random day,
Always waiting
To see you again.

Two words are all I can grasp,
Thinking of ways paths collide,
Even though I do my best to hide
The stars I would like you to see in my eyes.

Every day, when chance allows,
We do it all again,
A greeting so shallow
My heart feels hollow.

But the wonder continues,
Of what it would be like
To speak more than once
Two easily forgotten words.

I wait for the next day,
Perhaps I shouldn’t
For it doesn’t sound wise,
But, oh life, let it be right
To seek so to find
His ocean eyes…”

Ana

If I do fall

“The uncertainty of life has made me wonder
About lost chances falling under
Our responsibility of grabbing life
With our bare hands and sail against the tide.
As for tightrope walking, it requires balance
And I’m afraid I have been shaking for so long
I might be on the edge of falling down
If the wind decides to play me around.
Oh I wonder, if I do fall, will I learn to fly
And become someone brand new
Ready to grab the odds by its ankle,
Tickling it till it can barely breathe
So then life would see how persistent I can be
When I fight for what I want to achieve?
I wonder, if I do fall, will I finally know
What freedom really means?
Oh I wonder, if I do fall, will I finally see
How much I’m missing out
For being afraid of stepping out
From the places I feel safe and sound?
I wonder… Am I already falling?
Can it be? Am I flying?
Oh I wonder…”

Ana.

Originally posted: March 26, 2018

Silhouettes

“Tired eyes, tired minds,
Welcome every night
The silence behind blinds
That hide everything but the light.

From the outside looking in,
The wandering night souls will wonder
About the life behind curtains and under
The ceilings that keep away the thunder.

What is life like to live on your own?
Picturing what’s it like to not be alone
At the end of another day, a live acting play
On city windows before night turns to day.

On the way home, my eyes get caught
On shining squares of light that got
Their perfect hues, their perfect tune
For the silhouettes dancing under the moon…”

Ana

The in-between

“I linger in the in-between –
The space from here to there,
From this to that,
From what is to what could’ve been.

I linger so to feel something;
Something more than this or that
That pushes me forward only to pull me back
And haunt me like a ghost I carry on my back.

The in-between is a place to be confused,
Uncertain, unsteady, yet slightly bemused
By the never knowing, never guessing,
Of what’ll happen, while forever wondering, hoping and praying.

Whilst in the in-betweens of life
I’ve collected pages now covered in dust;
Still, it’s always the words that come alive
Becoming my very own stars born out of dust…”

Ana

Wonder

“I wonder…
Have we ever been at the same place at the same time?
Have we ever walked past each other and didn’t realize?
Have you ever seen me and you didn’t want to say hi?
If so, don’t you wonder why?
I wonder,
Have you ever thought about me?
You can’t be bored by the past;
Been there, done that, you don’t look back.
But I wonder,
Has your mind ever played a trick on you
And recollected some of your past memories
Where a glimpse of me would suddenly come to you?
After all these years I no longer
Can be sure if you have ever loved me;
I wonder…
Do you know I loved you when I was younger?”

Ana.

Originally posted: July 13, 2016

Carelessly

“She saw him standing on the balcony
Smoking, gazing ahead, so carelessly,
She thought, until he started walking
From side to side, big footsteps,
Perhaps with a bit more in his head
Than she could have said
Just by looking, just by wondering,
About the man with a cigarette.
As their eyes met whilst the light turned green,
He saw her looking up absentmindedly,
Peacefully inside an hideous bus,
I envy you, so free,
He thought, so carelessly watching me.”

Ana.

Originally posted: April 28, 2016

On days like this, I wonder

“On days like this, I wonder about
All the bridges that have burned down,
All the sticks and stones that turned to dust,
All the doors that have closed with a wind gust.

On days like this, I like to rewind,
To look at the past as if to look for clues,
To analyse when life gave out signs to the reasons why,
But, in disbelief, I end up exclaiming, who knew?

It is on days like this that I shrug off the need
To know how life unfolds,
To know the ways of the world,
And embrace the uncertainty of the unknown.

I cease to look out for the invisible string
That ties everything, so well put together it is,
Afraid that, if I mess with it, I will shrink it,
And delay the future brightness that is making its way to me.”

Ana

Shell of Wonder

“I wish I had a way,
Something,
To make me steady
And not feel heavy.
My shoulders might
Take it a little longer
Than my heart, which sooner
Is going to make me regret
Everything I had set to forget.
Lost again, that’s what I am;
The world asks and I echo,
Who are you, who am I?
But I’m still left without a sign.
No idea is coming up,
So I’m clueless on how
To lift myself up.
Strange this life I own
I’ve been on this path,
But I still don’t know
A way to grow stronger
Within my fragile shell of wonder.”

Ana.

Originally posted: November 8, 2015